Mocking Mommy

Everyday I have to listen to Mommy whine about how Baby Brother is kicking her and generally making her life miserable. So yesterday on our way home from school, I finally decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.



Me: (in a shrill, sarcastic voice) Oooooh! Baby Brother just kicked me!



(In addition, I've been declaring myself "too fat" to do various things Mommy asks me to do.)

Is it just me or is Mommy getting fat?

Today I was very empathetic toward Mommy, who looks like she's sprouting a watermelon-sized tumor on her tummy. Here are a few examples:

1) As Mommy and I were going down the stairs, I informed her, "You don't have to pick me up. You're too fat, and I'm not a baby anymore!"

2) When Mommy's belly crashed the dining table against the wall, I turned to her and asked, "Do you need help? I worry about you!"

The real truth

Yesterday morning, I came crashing into Mommy's room at the crack of dawn. As usual, Mommy was snoring.

Me: You wanna go find my secret treasure map?

Mommy: Not right now, I'm too exhausted.

Me: No you're not! You're just lazy!

Oops

When I accidentally tore my little sponge gazelle in the bathtub, I was dismayed to learn from Daddy that glue doesn't work on such things. I observed, "It is not a puzzle. You cannot put it back together!"

Lacrosse lesson

Today was my first stab at playing lacrosse. I had a good time and tired poor old Daddy out.

He's having a baby!

Me: (holding up my puppy Joey) I'm Joey's daddy. Joey was in my tummy, and then he popped out!

Chewy

Me: (holding up a squeak toy) Mama, what's that?

Mommy: That's a squeak toy for dogs.

Me: Why?

Mommy: They like to chew on it.

Me: (thinking hard for a minute) It's like gum for dogs!